Pearl's Pearl
by toonfreak
Summary: What does one do when the tiny voice inside of your brain is literal, and refuses to function properly? Pearl is about to find out...the hard way...
1. Chapter 1

The small Gem had to agree. Being the only Pearl inside of her host's "Surface" area could get a bit overwhelming at times. There were just...SO many items to organize! SO MANY...

Sometimes she would organize them alphabetically. Other times, she would get a sudden urge to re-organize them by their Latin roots, or function, or color. It seemed that her host was never satisfied on how these random items should be classified...slightly annoying, but manageable.

The tiny Pearl spent most of her time carving and creating new spears. It was a never-ending, FRUSTRATING task! Each battle would deplete her stash, and she would have to start making a new set of spears all over again!

The little Gem was also in charge of holograms- whether they be memories, pictures, or Holo-Pearls. Admittedly, Holo-Pearls were the most difficult to construct. It was no easy feat- bending light in a way that would allow it to manipulate and hold solid objects...such as swords.

The Surface Pearl's favorite thing to create were dreams and nightmares! Her host rarely slept...but when she DID, the little Gem had the most fun creating fictional movies! If she happened to be in a particularly devious or vengeful mood, she would prank her host by making the most hilarious, disturbing imagery she could possibly think of! Turning Rose Quartz into Greg...that was her doing! The tiny Pearl laughed! Served the host right for overworking her constantly!

* * *

Thus, the day Steven appeared in her space was a surprising one indeed! Her host rarely sent in organic life, and certainly NOT family members! The Surface Pearl figured she had sent Steven inside to protect him during a battle or something similar. When her natural programming kicked in, she figured she should put the boy in a space alphabetically by name.

Needless to say, the half-human quickly declined the choice of wanting to be placed next to the stethoscope, and informed the Surface Pearl (which he decided to call "the Pearl inside of Pearl's Pearl"), that he had simply been sent in to retrieve a cell phone. He insisted on going into the host's repressed memories (the poor dear), before the little Pearl obliged, and sent him on his way...

...

...The Surface Pearl was alone again. That small amount of quick banter was the first time in HUNDREDS of years she had directly spoken to anyone! She sighed. It wasn't always this way. In the beginning, there were at least five of her in here...but as the years droned on, each friend would get placed in (yet another) repressed memory. She ultimately wondered if she, herself, would get stuck in a time loop of the mind eventually as well.

When Steven finally found what he was looking for, he exited the gemstone so quickly, that the boy didn't even thank her for her assistance! She saw him wiz by in a barrage of light. The host obviously wanted her family member back quickly!

The tiny Surface Pearl sighed again. The entire back and forth had been quite...undignified! Certainly, Steven could have stopped for some tea...or had a small conversation at least?

NOPE.

The tiny Pearl suddenly felt very...ALONE. She didn't go back to organizing. She didn't make any new spears. She didn't construct any new holograms. The Pearl inside of Pearl's Pearl simply sat on the floor, and wept.

* * *

It was several days later before Pearl realized that her gemstone was acting strangely. She figured, (at first), that it was just the natural grief and stress of the situation that was causing her stone to malfunction.

...but then, she started realizing that her gemstone wasn't functioning AT ALL. She could not create a Holo-Pearl to practice her sparing. She could not retrieve the kettle from her pocket space to make tea. Heck...she couldn't even summon a spear! What was going on?! Had releasing her secret about Rose Quartz' true identity frightened her so badly, that her brain was just...refusing to function?! Despite her better judgement, she asked Steven to (once again), go inside of her gemstone, and see what the problem was.

The family member obliged, and in a mighty flash of light was sent back into his friend's head.

* * *

As the brightness subsided, Steven could immediately see what the problem was. The once clean "surface space" was now in complete disarray. The floor was littered with items. There was a wall with a computer attached to it that was displaying an "ERROR" message. There were no more spears. Bits of holograms were walking around mindlessly like glitches in a video game. The place looked less like the mind Steven had once seen, and now resembled a space more like Amethyst's room!

"PEARL!...or...erm...PEARL INSIDE OF PEARL'S PEARL! WHERE ARE YOU?!" The boy shouted in desperation as his eyes wandered across the magnificent collage of objects.

Steven turned the corner, and jumped in shock!

"MPH?!" The Surface Pearl looked at the boy- incredibly surprised and embarrassed! She had a spoon in her mouth and had located a tub of ice cream. Just because her host didn't like eating her feelings away, didn't mean that SHE couldn't!

The boy surveyed the area. There were snack wrappers EVERYWHERE. Most of the empty bags and boxes consisted of food Steven liked to bring on missions.

"Oh! Pearl inside of Pearl's Pearl! What...happened?!" Steven was (understandably) concerned! It looked like a bomb had gone off...

"MPH!" the Gem swallowed the wad of ice cream down quickly. Her face was puffy with tears in her eyes. "I...I...I'm sorry Steven. I'm just going through some stuff right now. Why did she send you THIS time? A box of TISSUES?! You can tell her that we're OUT." This was a rather obvious statement. There were wadded up tissues EVERYWHERE.

"Erm...no. She wanted to see why her gemstone was having so many...difficulties?" Steven attempted to make the statement sound as non-offensive as possible.

The Surface Pearl scoffed! "WELL! You can tell her to make her OWN spears, keep her OWN things organized, and create holograms for HUNDREDS of years ALL BY HERSELF! I have absolutely no one to talk to in here...AND never even receive a once in a while "Thank You" of appreciation!" The Surface Pearl "herumphed" before continuing the tub of ice cream.

"Oh boy..." Steven was completely baffled! What does one do when the tiny voice inside of your brain is literal, and refuses to function properly?

He would have to talk to Pearl...HIS Pearl- to get this situation under control...


	2. Chapter 2

"HUH-WAH?!" Pearl was shocked when Steven re-emerged from her gemstone, and explained the odd situation. The family member was well aware of the smaller Pearls within her gem (it was basic Homeworld anatomy after all), but she had NEVER heard of any cases where the internal tiny Gems disobeyed their host...

Steven shrugged. "She seemed really sad, lonely, and stressed out...like she needed a vacation or...something..."

Pearl huffed in disbelief! "This...doesn't make any sense! She's in MY head, controlling MY gemstone! I can't function properly unless she does her job!"

"She seemed to feel...under-appreciated..."

"Under-appreciated? UNDER-APPRECIATED?! She's a part of MY brain Steven! What am I supposed to do?! Hug her? I can't exactly go into my own gemstone on a whim!"

"Maybe you could write her a thank you note?" The boy suggested, thinking a nice note would (at least) make the Surface Pearl know how helpful she was.

Pearl "herumphed" with stubbornness! "Honestly! She is being absolutely ridiculous! It would be the equivalent of a human's heart not beating because it feels "unloved". She's a part of my own thought process! Surface Gems can't just rebel like this! I've never heard of such a thing!"

It seemed someone had (not only) been listening in on the conversation, but also did NOT like what she heard. Pearl's gemstone suddenly glowed brilliantly! In a flash of light, a massive anvil appeared, and landed directly on the Gem's foot!

The shocked Pearl howled in pain, as she held her foot and hopped about! It was an immediate good thing that Gems had no bones-if they did, every single one in Pearl's foot would be broken right now...

"OHMYGOSH! PEARL! ARE YOU OK?!" Steven shouted in concern!

"THAT CLOD! THAT EVIL THING! SEE IF I DO ANYTHING FOR HER NOW!" Pearl entered her room in the temple. Perhaps some rest would do her good...

* * *

As the days went on, chaos ensued. Pearl's gemstone would activate randomly on its own and spew out anything from garbage (mostly empty food containers), to broken precious artifacts. The Surface Pearl was taking her rage out with a vengeance!

* * *

The Crystal Gems were eating dinner at the kitchen table when Pearl's gemstone lit up again.

At this point, the family knew exactly what to do. Everyone picked up their plate and moved as FAR away from Pearl as possible. A MASSIVE Chinese vase flew out of their family member's forehead, and proceeded to hit the opposite wall- shattering it into pieces! This was immediately followed by a gargantuan pile of soil, and a ripped up fern falling from the gemstone onto the table. Pearl fumed! She was now completely COVERED in dirt! The large vase had (apparently) held the plant previously.

Pearl's gemstone stopped glowing. The family sighed with relief, as they returned to the (now incredibly filthy), table.

"Why don't you just send her a note like Steven suggested P? It would literally take...like...less than five minutes!" Amethyst proceeded to eat both her food AND the plate.

"...and admit that this behavior is acceptable?! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

"Jeez you're stubborn..."

Garnet mumbled: "(At least it wasn't another meat cleaver or shotgun...)"

Amethyst nodded. "How much crud do you have stored in there anyway P?!"

Pearl stuck her nose in the air! "She will run out of ammo...eventually. I would also like to point out, that there was only ONE shotgun and ONE meat cleaver in there!"

"Yeah...but...WHY?" Amethyst was baffled that her friend would keep such things in her gemstone in the first place.

"WELL! For...erm..hunting and cooking of course!"

"Of course..." Amethyst rolled her eyes- knowing full well Pearl had never hunted ANYTHING in her entire lifecycle.

* * *

Sure enough, the ammo became less destructive as the days went on. "meat cleavers and shotguns" had been diminished to: "paper and pillows".

After literal weeks of items being tossed from the gemstone, it seemed that the chaos had finally stopped.

Pearl sighed. "Thank the STARS that's over with! It's a good thing I keep my sword collection OUTSIDE of my gemstone. I can just utilize those instead of the spears!" Pearl nodded in agreement! She felt extremely proud of herself! She had defeated...erm...HERSELF! Huzzah and such! Now that Pearl thought about it, this entire fiasco had been rather ridiculous...

Her train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the most ominous series of noises...

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

"WOuLd YoU LikE tO EnGagE iN CoMBaT?!"

Literally DOZENS of Holo-Pearls appeared in the house from the gemstone...all at the same time! Pearl froze, sweat on her brow, as she realized that she was completely surrounded!

All the Holo-Pearls shouted in unison: "ADVANCED MODE INITIATED!"

"(oh stars...)" Pearl mumbled to herself completely defenseless, before the massive group of Holo-Pearls attacked their original host from every possible angle!

Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven attempted to help by battling the fake Pearls as quickly as possible! The horrific things slashed, destroyed, maimed, and made scraps out of the house in a whirlwind of blades and violence!

Try as she might to dodge the holograms, Pearl became overwhelmed incredibly quickly with no way to defend herself! Her form almost instantly poofed away as the sword fighter retreated into her gemstone!

By the time the remainder of the Crystal Gems had destroyed the holograms, it was too late. Pearl would have to reform as she had many times before. Steven placed her gem on one of the couch's pillows for safe keeping...

* * *

Meanwhile, inside of the gemstone, Pearl attempted to focus on what her new form should look like. Her eyes were shut to help her concentrate...

"A-HIM!"

An annoyed grunt caught Pearl's attention! She opened one of her eyes and glanced up in a state of shock!

It was her Surface Pearl! "Glad I FINALLY got your attention! We're going to have a little chat! There are...some things I must discuss with you. Come now! The tea is getting cold..."

* * *

 ** _HOLY SWISS CHEESE YOU GUYS!_**

 ** _O-O_**

 ** _I was NOT expecting such a massive, immediate, response to this story! Good gravy! I can't even begin to tell you guys how much all the comments, views, and favorites mean to me! They just...kept coming...like...ALL DAY LONG. It was absolutely INSANE!_**

 ** _I love writing humor and cheering people up with my silly stories! (Almost every story in my fic history is a Steven Universe comedy, or...at LEAST...a partial comedy)._**

 ** _I'm just...so glad and so grateful that you guys liked the first chapter so much! I'm going to try my best to make a story EVERYONE can enjoy and laugh at!_**


	3. Chapter 3

Pearl sat at a table in the middle of her gemstone's surface space. The Surface Pearl that had caused SO MUCH grief within the past few weeks glared at her as she sipped her tea.

This was probably one of the most...awkward, surreal, situations Pearl had ever experienced! Here she was...drinking tea with herself, as her own mind glared at her with disdain. The entire thing was very...ODD. "SOOO...erm...what did you want to talk about? I really should get back to trying to regenerating my form..."

"Hermph." The Surface Pearl grunted before speaking up: "Do you have ANY idea how difficult it is working in here?! No breaks, no "Thank Yous", no company, no companionship?!"

"Your job isn't to socialize! Your job is to create and retrieve the things that I need on a regular basis!"

"Have you ever ONCE considered MY feelings about this situation?!"

"Why should I? We are literally the same person!"

"You WOULD think that, wouldn't you?!"

"YES! Your job is basic Gem anatomy 101! I don't see what all of this fuss is about!" Pearl raised her arms in the air in frustration! This internal conversation was going nowhere quickly.

"So...according to YOU, my job is EASY? Simple? You would have NO TROUBLE what-so-ever being a more efficient Surface Pearl than myself?"

"Of course not! I am excellent at all forms of tasks!"

"Than prove it."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"PROVE YOUR CLAIM! Switch places with me!"

Pearl scoffed! "I will do NO SUCH THING! I don't want to get stuck in here!"

"Ah-Ha! So you DO admit that my lifestyle is less comfortable than your own?!"

"I NEVER said that!"

"Look, I'm trying to prove a point here! Let's take a bet! If MY job is SO easy compared to your own life, then this should be a snap! I will replace you, and see how difficult YOUR life is, while you stay here and try MY job! If my form poofs, you will never hear another peep out of me again! If you create a Holo-Pearl and send it out, I will also admit defeat! Either way, YOU win!"

Pearl looked concerned. "This feels like a trap...what if I refuse?!"

"I'll just keep sending Holo-Pearls after you!"

Pearl gasped in disbelief! This "deal" was sounding less like a bet, and more like a command!

The Surface Pearl nodded in agreement. "Either way, we both get what we want. YOU get to prove me right, and I get a miniature vacation from this Hell-Hole!"

Pearl did not like the Surface Pearl referring to her own brain as a "Hell-Hole" but still thought the situation through. She was trapped! Pearl saw no way out of this "deal" as it stood. If she reformed, more Holo-Pearls would just keep sending her back here until she agreed. Pearl nodded and shook hands with her Surface Pearl. "Alright then! I'm going to show you how EASY this job is...it's not like I have much of a choice in the matter..."

The Surface Pearl proceeded to smile in the creepiest way possible. "I'm glad we had this little talk. The best of luck! Let's see how YOU like being stuck in here!"

The Surface Pearl began to slowly disappear into the outside world before completely vanishing...

* * *

The Gemstone sat on the couch pillow before shining and levitating in anticipation! To the relief of her family, Pearl looked quite fine as her form returned!

"That...was fast..." Garnet noted immediately. Pearl typically took 2 weeks to regenerate...it had only been an hour.

As Pearl's form solidified, the family could immediately tell that something was "off". The Gem looked around every-which-way...stars in her eyes and hope on her face! The Surface Pearl spotted Steven first. "OH! OH STEVEN! I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" The Gem embraced the boy, tears flowing! It was as if she hadn't seen Rose's son in weeks!

"OH! I love you too Pearl!" Steven hugged the Gem back, before laughing! "You've only been gone for an hour..."

"Have I? It seems like it has been much longer than that..." Surface Pearl looked toward Garnet and Amethyst with admiration! "My family! I've never been able to hug you myself! I've only seen holograms and pictures!" Pearl hugged the duo with sympathy, before Amethyst backed up- incredibly creeped out. "WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! What do you MEAN you've only seen us in holograms and pictures?!"

"Oh! Yes! Right! Apologies...I am Pearl's...erm..."Surface Pearl"! We decided to switch places...for a short time..." The Gem blushed...

"WHHHAAAA?! Is...is that...even...POSSIBLE?!"

The Surface Pearl looked down at herself before glancing around the house. "Well...I guess it IS! HUH! What an intriguing opportunity!"

Garnet frowned. She knew that this Pearl was also (technically) Pearl...and yet...she wasn't QUITE Pearl, but rather- only one PART of Pearl. It seemed that things had just gotten EXTREMELY complicated...

"Oh! This is SO exciting! Everything out here is REAL! No memories, no holograms! I am making my OWN memories! REAL ones that belong to ONLY me!" Surface Pearl clapped her hands in a giddy manner, before continuing: "-By the way, do you guys have any ice cream?! I rather enjoyed it when I found that tub in our gemstone...oh! I'm going to finally figure out what all food tastes like!"

Garnet persperated heavily. She didn't want to ruin Surface Pearl's new outlook on life...but she was extremely concerned about the safety of Pearl...the REAL Pearl. "Mmmph...Pearl- that is...Surface Pearl...our original Pearl is not in danger..."

"-NOPE! She's completely safe...in my mind!" The Surface Pearl poked her Gemstone playfully before nodding. "As soon as she creates and sends out a Holo-Pearl, I'll go back inside! No if's, and's, or but's! It was part of our deal! In the meantime, though..." Surface Pearl began to wander the house, before locating Lion, asleep on the floor of the loft. "Oh! The lion!" The Gem began to pet the animal's mane. It really WAS soft! Just like she had imagined! The large cat gurgled in his sleep, making the Gem smile with content! There was just...so much REAL stuff she wanted to try, and taste, and touch, and do, and experience! She knew this situation was temporary (at best), so she had to make every second count!

* * *

 _ **Thanks again for all the feedback guys! You are the BEST. FANS. EVER!**_

 _ **It seems that Surface Pearl has (forcefully) escaped her prison! What kind of new stuff will she experience? How good is the Crystal Gem's Pearl at controlling her own mind? Have they BOTH bitten off more then they can chew? Can this story get any weirder? Tune in next time!**_

 _ **XD**_


	4. Chapter 4

Pearl stood in disbelief as she glanced around the incredibly empty surface space. She simply could NOT believe that she had caved in to that...HOOLIGAN'S demands!

On the other hand, there was not much she could do about it NOW...

Pearl sighed, before wandering around the emptiness...attempting to get her bearings. One wall had a massive computer with a HUGE "ERROR!" sign displayed on its surface. Another wall would have been where items from the outside were stored, however, almost everything had been tossed from the gemstone at this point. The only remaining objects were the table, chairs, and tea set that the duo had used for their conversation. Pearl seemed frustrated that there was nothing to clean the teacups with. A sink would be nice...not sure how she would store water or pipes in a place like this though...

She decided on focusing on fixing the computer. The Gem instinctively dipped her arms into the device in hopes of doing a diagnostic test. Her eyes went static as she checked the machine...

Apparently, the device had been overwhelmed with commands. Some of them were obvious- like the override of materials to make 25 Holo-Pearls...ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

...the majority of commands, however, Pearl recognized as her own. Commands from weeks and weeks ago- obviously ignored- gumming up the system. Pearl took her arms out of the device, before looking around to see if there was a remote...a switch...a plug...something? She attempted some verbal commands:

"Computer! Eject trash files!"

...

"Computer! Clear history!"

...

"Erm...control, alt, delete?"

...

No change. Pearl looked around the screen again, before finding a tiny switch on the back of the device.

She switched it.

There was immediate response! The computer turned off, but all the lights in the surface space turned off too! Pearl found herself completely encased in darkness! The Gem blinked in surprise! She figured she had touched something she shouldn't have...

* * *

Meanwhile, the Surface Pearl was having her very FIRST REAL dinner with her REAL family! She chatted enthusiastically about this new enjoyable food experience- spaghetti they called it!

Steven piped up: "You have to twirl it on your fork...like THIS!"

The Pearl seemed frustrated as she attempted to mimic. "This...is a LOT of work for just one bite of food...it seems so...inconvenient." The spaghetti fell off her fork again.

"Sometimes it helps if you use a spoon..."

"HOW!? The spoon seems even more useless!"

"You twirl the noodles into the spoon...like a bowl!" The boy attempted to explain.

While the Pearl tried to use the new technique, Amethyst and Garnet glared at their new visitor. Both Gems were much less trusting toward the Surface Pearl than Steven. She HAD been throwing dangerous stuff at them from inside Pearl's gemstone for quite some time after all...and many of the random items had nearly caused major injuries. It was also...STRANGE seeing a nearly identical Pearl both willing AND attempting to eat food...

The Surface Pearl suddenly jolted in shock! Her eyes dilated, and she immediately passed out! Her head landed in the plate of spaghetti- face first. In a massive panic, Steven's family rushed quickly to help the Gem! Steven wiped the tomato sauce off of her face. Garnet quickly carried the Pearl to the couch, and attempted to hold her head in a way that would encourage the Pearl to come out of her unconscious state...

* * *

"Woopsy daisy! I think I just cut off all the power entirely...let's just flick this back on here..."

Pearl flicked the switch of the gemstone's computer back on quickly! If nothing else, it seemed that her little mistake had rebooted the computer...

* * *

The Surface Pearl woke up with another jolt! She gasped with shock as she witnessed the entire group of Crystal Gems looking down at her with concerned stares! The Pearl began to hyperventilate! That...that was SCARY! What had just happened?!

Amethyst sighed with relief! "You're awake! Don't scare us like that!"

Garnet nodded "You passed out."

"Passed out?" The Surface Pearl looked dazed and confused! She wasn't sure what "passing out" was, but she was glad that it was over!

* * *

The gemstone's computer chimed in with a pleasant note, as the system rebooted! It seemed that the switch idea was reckless, but worked fairly well to unfreeze the computer!

"Good! Good! Right than! Let's see what this machine can do!" Pearl nodded to herself, before digging her arms into the screen again...

Several minutes went by. The Gem was so distracted with the computer, that she failed to notice the floor opening up. A red alarm sat on a massive podium, as it lifted from the floor...

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BE-"

Pearl jumped in surprise as the unexpected alarm flashed red, and blasted noise in aggravation!

"STARS!" Pearl yanked her arms out of the screen, and held her ears quickly with pain!" "WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU...YOU...STUPID BRAIN?!"

As if on cue, the alarm explained itself:

"WARNING! WARNING! NO WEAPONS AVAILABLE IN STORAGE AREA! RESTOCK NEEDED IMMEDIATELY!"

As the alarm blared, more supplies were lifted from the floor...specifically, different colored metals, various molds, and an oven used specifically for welding. Pearl sweated in stress. Apparently, the computer wanted Pearl to produce spears...from SCRATCH!

"Really?! REALLY?!" Pearl huffed in aggravation! She knew how to USE weapons...not MAKE them...

...still...

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP-" It seemed the alarm would not stop until the task had been fixed.

...

Several hours (and four very sad, lumpy spears later), the alarm finally stopped and retreated back into the floor.

"MERCY. Thank goodness THAT'S over..." Pearl huffed in frustration. The alarm had caused an incredible headache! The Gem seemed disappointed that her homemade spears looked so sad and misshaped. She figured this skill would take practice before perfected. Exhausted, The Gem begged for no other odd surprises...

* * *

The Surface Pearl was attempting to tuck Steven in for bed. As it turned out, this event was MUCH more of a chore than previously perceived. Steven was becoming rebellious in his teenage years. He was insistent on staying up late, playing more video games, and attempted to explain that he was too old to be "tucked in". He wasn't a kid anymore...after all...

Surface Pearl seemed incredibly disheartened at these comments. Almost every memory she had seen previously, featured a younger Steven crawling into bed and enthusiastically asking for a bedtime story!

The Gem supposed she had missed this particular evolution in Steven's life. The boy looked at the Surface Pearl from his bed in guilt, as he declined a "bedtime story". The Pearl just looked...so...heartbroken...

"Y-You can read me a bedtime story...if you REALLY want to..."

The Gem perked up immediately, stars in her eyes!

Steven rolled his eyes, but smiled as the Surface Pearl read him a book called "The Cute Kitten" in the most enthusiastic manner possible!


End file.
